Using Emotional intelligence to progress towards your goals Part 3

Welcome to part 3 of my blog on using emotional intelligence to progress towards your goals! This final post will include a list of questions to ask yourself to become more emotionally intelligent. I understand for many people reading this that it might be a new concept to understand so first I want to share a study that looked at Emotional Intelligence in education to illustrate just how important it can be!

create the life you want

Emotional Intelligence in Education

“We are educated in school that practice precedes effectiveness, whether in reading, writing, computers, or whatever. We are rarely taught how to practice care, compassion, appreciation or love-essential for family balance.”

  • Our educational systems focus on honing children’s cognitive skills from the moment they enter the classroom.
  • But virtually no emphasis is placed on educating children in the management of the inner conflicts and unbalanced emotions they bring with them every day to school.
  • As new concepts such as “emotional intelligence” become more widely used and understood, more educators are realizing that cognitive ability is not the sole or necessarily the most critical determinant of young people’s aptitude to flourish in today’s society.

Proficiency in emotional management, conflict resolution, communication and interpersonal skills is essential for children to develop inner self-security and become able to effectively deal with the pressures and obstacles that will inevitably arise in their lives. Moreover, increasing evidence is illuminating that emotional balance and cognitive performance are indeed linked. Growing numbers of teachers are agreeing that children come to school with so many problems that it is difficult for them to be good students.

The Impact of an Emotional Self-Management Skills Course on Psychosocial Functioning and Autonomic Recovery to Stress in Middle School Children thru Heart Math

Integrative Physiological and Behavioural Science. 1999; 34 (4): 246-248.

In summary:

  • Students felt more motivated at school
  •  Were more focused in their school work
  • Able to organize and manage their time, both at school and at home.
  • Their leadership and communication skills improved
  •  Harmful behaviour problems decreased
  •  They felt more supported by their families and friends
  •  More comfortable with their teachers and showed increased compassion with their peers.
  • The children also felt more comfortable with themselves, were more assertive and independent in their decision making, more resistant to the demands of peer pressure, and better able to manage their stress, anger and negative internal self-talk.
  • The children showed increased satisfaction and control over their lives while with friends, at school and around their families. 

The positives demonstrated in this study shows the power of Emotional Intelligence and why you should use it to reach you goals! As promised here are a list of questions to ask yourself:


Purpose    –   To add new resources and new references and to make a Radical shift in focus (interrupt pattern)

Definition –   Problem solving Questions shift our focus from a  problem to its possible solutions. They are the way of   Accessing and mobilizing our resources.

In a ‘problem’ situation use the following questions:

1.  What’s great/right about this problem?


2.  What’s not perfect yet?


3.  What am I willing to do to make it the way I want?


4.  What am I not willing to do to make it the way I want?

5.   How can I enjoy the process?


Q. What is making my life a masterpiece?

Q. What’s going to get me there?

Q. What’s the easier/best way I can get this done?

Q. How am I going to Thrive?

Q. What do I need to ‘let go of’ that does not serve me

Q. What do I need to pay attention to?

Q. Are we our ‘drama’… our Story?

Q. What’s important information do I need to know?

Q. How can I be certain when I do not know what to do?

Q. What decision could you make right now to move you closer to your goal?

Q. What are you grateful in your life right now?

Q. What am I committed to in my life right now?

Q. What do you need to focus on right now?

Q. Which emotions do you need to strengthen?

Q. How could you enjoy this even more?

Q. How could you create even more certainty right now?

To finish this 3 part series I wanted to share some tips on how to change your state and improve your mood so you can have a positive frame of mind, everything then is possible so make 2013 your year and achieve them goals!!

20 ways to Change your State

  1.   Make a phone call to a positive, friend or colleague.
  2.   Give yourself a positive treat!
  3.   Start the day with happy thoughts- or a positive affirmation.
  4.   Express your feelings-offload to someone who is pleased to listen and  be supported in a constructive way.
  5.  Make a plan for the day the night before, setting you some goals   /empowering steps for the next day.
  6.  Be assertive- ask for something you want.
  7.  Give yourself permission to be Happy!
  8.  Ask yourself ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen if…’
  9.  Listen to music that you love, read a poem or watch a funny movie!
  10.   Pay someone a ‘from your heart’ compliment and watch their reaction.
  11.   Re-structure your day if it is putting too much pressure on you- we have  to juice ourselves (not feel overwhelm)
  12.   Dress in something that makes you feel good.
  13.   Take extra care with your grooming- to enhance your appearance and sense of well-being.
  14.   Do some vigorous exercise- it’s a great energizer!
  15.    Indecisive? Make a decision..
  16.    If you are worried about something- take steps towards solving it, instead focusing on the problem.
  17.    Remind yourself of your achievements in life, both personal and career.
  18.    Write down a goal in life- even if it’s a dream. List 3 steps to achieving it-Take one step.
  19.    Plan a short trip or holiday.
  20.    Allow some time for yourself- remember you are  a human being – spend   some ‘me ‘time.

For further reading


Please help me in 2013 and answer the following question in the comments below, I will be collecting your answers!
What phrases do you use to make people feel more comfortable, motivated, and appreciated?

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