Looking after number 1! Are you selfish enough?



(of a person, action, or motive) Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
egoistic – self-seeking – self-centered – self-centred



The word ‘selfish’ can cause a negative reaction in most people; I am sure we have all grown up with parents telling us to ‘stop being selfish’. The above definition of the word selfish is in the whole negative so why am I asking the question ‘are you selfish enough’? Think about today’s most successful people, for example Richard BransonElon MuskMichael BloombergMaria Shriver and Joel Osteen. A common trait they all share is selfishness, they put their goals and objectives first, they look after their health. They know that you cannot achieve greatness if you are tired, uninspired, angry or wound up.

Read ‘Be more selfish’ –  a great blog post by Darren Hardy from Success magazine, he gives you 5 ways to become more selfish!

Are you selfish enough to succeed?

I’m extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end. – Margaret Thatcher


When we truly care for ourselves, it becomes possible to care far more profoundly about other people. -Eda LeShan


The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone. -Ayn Rand


Selfish means that you care enough about yourself to get your needs met; selfishness is a choice. Being selfish does not mean you will suddenly become irresponsible, abandon your spouse, children and friends. It simply means you recognize that you have to put yourself first to succeed. You will ‘get’ the notion that “If it’s good for me, it’s probably going to benefit others as well.” Most people try to be generous before being selfish enough to succeed, the problem with this is it’s not sustainable. As you become more successful (by being selfish) you will become more generous as you have the resources to help more people!  Taking care of one’s self enhances everything else we do.

Time is the most important asset we have, successful people know how to manage their time. We can not afford to let ourselves become tired and unmotivated because we are constantly being pulled in different directions by others. Put yourself on your own agenda!!

“In Mandarin Chinese, they have two words for selfish.  One means doing that which is beneficial to you and the other means hoarding, greedy, and cruel.  We, in English have pushed those two words together.”



The psychology behind Facebook and Twitter

The explosion of social media over the last decade has been astounding; remember Facebook was only launched in 2004! How brands interact with customers has been transformed, never before has there been such direct access into people’s lives. Now we all know the Fortune 500 companies such as Coca-Cola and McDonald’s attract millions of followers but many small business owners are left feel frustrated and confused on how to leverage social media.facebook

There are hundreds of free guides on the internet on how to use the profiles, discussing different tools, tips and tricks. (Visit HubSpot) Maybe you need to understand the psychology behind why we use social media in the first place to gain a greater understanding of how to engage with your followers.

The psychology behind social media.

If we go right back in human history we  have always existed in tribes, we are hard-wired to operate in a community. In ancient times we needed to bond together for survival, today we still have a deep seated need to belong to a community. We exist in different social groups from the workplace, church, sport teams etc this is why we are so compelled to tweet and update facebook, we crave connection!

If you think of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs once our basic physical needs are met such as water, food, safety and warmth. We move onto to higher level needs which become increasingly psychological and social. The need for love and friendship, personal esteem, feelings of accomplishment, growing and developing as a person become more important to us. Feeling connected to people on social media helps to fulfil these needs, as we feel accepted and cared for when people like, comment and share our content.

“To ask why would anyone think people care about their updates is to ask why do people want to talk andand communicate with others. We’re, after all, social beings who wish to connect with the rest of the world.”

Another interesting point is that we often post updates, photos; make check-ins as a  form of impression management. We portray a certain image of ourselves in a manner we want others to see us in, usually to get people to like us!

“What they post and say is a projection of themselves, their beliefs, their interests, their entire identity.”

How does the psychology behind social media help your business?

Once you understand why so many of us use social media think about why someone would interact with your business? Why do they care? To many small businesses fall into the broadcast trap, businesses first need to listen to their audience, what are they talking about and in what context? Likes and dislikes?  People want to feel connected to your business, ask your audience questions, get the involved, show some personality!

“Too many organisations fail to step away from the brand and look objectively from the outside in, as if through the eyes of the punters they wish to reach….. Understanding what drives, rewards, motivates, entertains and generally stirs an emotional response from people and content marketing can flourish. If you fail to understand what motivates your audience, then you will most likely be left scratching your head.”

Further reading:





10 actions you need to do for yourself!!

How is the year going so far? We are mid way through, are you still on track or are you letting life get in the way? It’s all too easy to get side tracked and weighed down with the day-to-day routine of life. Take some time this week and review the first half of the year, here are 10 actions you need to do for yourself to give you a nudge in the right direction!


1. Spend time with people who will challenge you and help you to grow.

It is said that you are a reflection of the five closest people around you in terms of values, affluence and behaviours. Take a look around you are the people you spend the most time with supportive of your dreams, do they embrace who you are? Do they love you unconditionally? Can you learn from them?  People change and grow over time and growth is often reflected in who you choose to spend time with. Do not let feelings of guilt trap you in friendships that you have outgrown, be grateful for the time you have spent together and move on, it’s a natural progression of life!

2. Start making your own happiness a priority

It’s not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It’s necessary. -Mandy Hale 

Great quote! It sometimes strikes me that especially in the UK we seem to have this view that putting ourselves first is selfish. Remember that it IS possible to take care of your own needs while simultaneously caring for those around you. In fact once your needs are met you will be far more capable of helping those who need you most!

3. Give your ideas and dreams a chance! Dream big!

People are sometimes held back by fear, fear of the unknown or fear of failure. If you never take a chance or try something new you will never grow as a person or achieve your dreams. Anything is possible you just have to believe in yourself and your abilities. If things don’t quite work out as planned, great learn from it, move on and do it better and bigger next time!

4. There is a silver lining in every situation, look for it!

When time are hard, take a break and look for glimmers of hope, they are there! Remain conscious of your blessings and victories – all the things in your life that are right.  Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t.

5. Start taking notice of your stress levels

Stress is not always bad, stress can make us perform at a higher level but its prolonged state of stress that will take its toll on our bodies. The most dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up on you. You get used to it. Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. If you are feeling stressed take some time out and practise relaxation techniques.

6. Work towards your goals every day!

“The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step”, start make small steps towards your goals everyday and don’t give up!

7. Build your willpower muscle

Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals. To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you’d honestly rather not do.

8. Using Emotional intelligence to progress towards your goals

So what it comes down to it – anything we do , anything we think, – there is always a feeling involved, something we are avoiding or something we want and moving towards. Fear and Desire are our two strongest and most powerful emotions.

People either invest time, energy, and resources moving ‘towards’ or ‘away’ from something they find enjoyable, or something they wish to avoid. The something is our values, which we use to judge whether an action is good or bad. Emotional states such as anger, sadness, depression and joy can be influenced and even directed by us.  Therefore using ‘practised exercises over time ‘we can change the way we feel about things. Read my blog series on Emotional intelligence.

9. Notice how wealthy you are right now!

Even when times are tough, it’s always important to keep things in perspective.  You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.  You didn’t go to sleep outside.  You had a choice of what clothes to wear this morning etc Remember to be grateful for all things you do have.

10. Start helping those around you

Givers gain! The more you help others the more they will help you, how can you help people, be on the lookout for opportunities for others, who can you connect? It will come back tenfold!

22 Principles of Standards part 2

Part 1 of 22 Principles of Standards

11. Human Potential implies fulfilment, hints at greatness and seeks possibilities

You were born to greatness. Having a life mission implies that world has need of you. In fact, the world has been preparing you to fill this need with one incredible life experience after another. Finding and fulfilling your potential will lead you to your highest experience in this life. Believe it, you have a mission. It is the gateway to your personal greatness. Greg Anderson 

12. Personal Development is based on activity not improving

13. Significant personal growth will not  occur in your life unless you are continually challenged

To many people ‘play it safe’, content in the world they have constructed for themselves, where they feel a sense of emotional security with their work and their decision-making. True entrepreneurs continually test these imaginary barriers, push limits and ‘get out of their comfort zone’. It might be a well-known cliché but you will not grow or progress if you don’t challenge yourself and have new experiences.  A fear of the unknown will keep you stuck forever. So the trick here is to let go of your expectations and accept the results of your actions.

14. A real decision is measured by the actions, no decisions, no action

15. Whoever looks outside, dreams /Whoever looks inwardsawakens

“Your vision will become real only when you look into your heart. He who looks outward dreams. He who looks inward awakens.” Carl Jung

What aspects of your professional life do you ascribe to fate or destiny?

In what ways could you take accountability for them?


16.Circumstances don’t define you , taking responsibility does

17. What we focus on– expands

18. Learning to ‘pause’ with intention– allows growth to catch up with us

“Today, there is so much NOISE around us that silent reflection can be a challenge…but it is possible.  You can fill your day with many refreshing and calming moments of quiet reflection by getting into the good habit of pausing several times in the day to step aside of what you are doing and give yourself the gift of brief but meaningful silence.” Read more

19. Breakthroughs lead to growth

20.We become the people we hang around with

This is hard for people to accept sometimes but look at the 5 closest people around you, do they challenge you to become a better person? Do they support your dreams? Are they the kind of people you want to be like? It’s possible to take control over who it is that influences us. And it’s something I recommend everybody do, especially if you want to be successful.

21. Confident humility – Believing in ourselves to become comfortable with our personal power

“Humility is not self-deprecating, but real and honest. When someone is who he or she really is and does not act as if he or she is more than he is, that is not arrogance, but secure identity.”

Having confidence, believing in yourself is not arrogant, This ‘confident humility’ is when you function out of the best of who you are, while being fully aware (and open with) who you are not. – See more


22.Understanding Intellectual Perseverance is an ultimate standard of excellence

Having a consciousness of the need to use intellectual insights and truths in spite of difficulties, obstacles, and frustrations; firm adherence to rational principles despite the irrational opposition of others; a sense of the need to struggle with confusion and unsettled questions over an extended period of time to achieve deeper understanding or insight.

Read More


I trust you have enjoyed the 2 part series on the principles of setting standards! What has been your biggest insight and how are you going to apply it to your life?