Use Emotional Intelligence to Increase your Team’s Effectiveness

I had a great time delivering a workshop in Chester this week titled “Use Emotional Intelligence to Increase your Team’s Effectiveness”.

Why do some highly qualified and apparently capable managers produce less successful outcomes than other seemingly less qualified individuals? The answer is often in their levels of Emotional Intelligence.emotional intelligence

If you are a manager or leader in any capacity I highly recommend you develop your skill set around understanding, using and managing emotions, this will help you improve the quality of your communication and lead your team to achieve higher levels of success.

It was Daniel Goleman who first brought the term “emotional intelligence” to the forefront back in 1995. I recommend reading his book as a great introduction into Emotional intelligence:

Goleman found that while the qualities traditionally associated with leadership—such as intelligence, toughness, determination, and vision—are required for success, they are insufficient. Truly effective leaders are also distinguished by a high degree of emotional intelligence, which includes self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skill.” source

Read: Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More Than IQ – Daniel Goleman

Amazon description:

The ground-breaking best-seller that redefines intelligence and success Does IQ define our destiny? Daniel Goleman argues that our view of human intelligence is far too narrow, and that our emotions play major role in thought, decision making and individual success. Self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, motivation, empathy and social deftness are all qualities that mark people who excel: whose relationships flourish, who are stars in the workplace. With new insights into the brain architecture underlying emotion and rationality, Goleman shows precisely how emotional intelligence can be nurtured and strengthened in all of us.

Emotional intelligence has a huge impact on your professional success , in fact emotional intelligence it the strongest predictor of performance in the workplace and the strongest driver of leadership. By becoming more self-aware and improving your emotional intelligence it can impact in many areas, including:

  • Become an Emotionally Resilient Leader
  • Learn Enhanced Communication Skills to Strengthen Team Dynamics
  • Develop Self Awareness and Empathy
  • Manage Emotional States for Improved Outcomes
  • Identify your ‘Triggers’ – Learn Specific Self-Management Strategies
  • Harness Stress and Use it Productively
  • Create High Levels of Resilience to Perform under Pressure
  • Improve the Quality of ALL your Meaningful Relationships


If you would like to be notified of my next workshop into Emotional Intelligence leave me a comment below.




Are you always ‘too tired’ when you get home from work?

Do you jump out of bed in a morning raring to go or can’t you wait until the time when you can crawl back in? Do you return from a busy day at work and collapse on the sofa with tiredness? You’re certainly not alone if you do, tiredness is the number one complaint that we visit our doctor with. It’s easy to blame our busy lifestyles with work commitments, family, household chores, travel etc But tiredness or fatigue is not always due to burning the candle at both ends.

The Royal College of Psychiatrists suggests that, at any given time, one in five people feel unusually tired and one in 10 have prolonged fatigue. Women tend to feel tired more than men.

Why is it that some people have bags of energy and pack so much into a day? Assuming there are no underlying medical conditions (check with your doctor) and your basic needs are met, like getting enough quality sleep, drinking enough water, getting enough exercise and the correct nutrition. It might surprise you to learn that 70 percent of our total energy is emotional—the kind that manifests as hope, resilience, passion, fun, and enthusiasm.

Highly energetic people learn to replace their emotional energy:

Learn to recognize what drains your energy—life situations, toxic people, or habits of mind like worry, guilt, indecision, and envy—and take steps to avoid or minimize it. Second, you identify what fills your tank—pleasure, prayer, novelty, anticipation, fun—and give yourself more.

Unlike physical energy which can deplete as we age, we can learn to increase our emotional energy year on year; it’s a never-ending renewable energy source!! Finding out what works for you is the key, recognize what drains your energy and take steps to change. Common energy drains could be:

1. Living up to someone’s else expectations

2. Loss of identity, not knowing who you are and what direction you’re taking in life.

3. Envy – Comparing yourself to others is a total waste of time! Look at what you have and be grateful! Showing gratitude everyday is a great energy booster!

4. Worry – torments and exhausts us. Taking action is a cure for worrying!

5. Unfinished projects / tasks. Either plan to complete the tasks or dump them! If you can’t find the time to do them either outsource or forget them!



Just join our mailing list and you can immediately download my FREE tips PDF at the website

Read more:

Solving the Emotional Energy Crisis

Looking after number 1! Are you selfish enough?

Using Emotional intelligence to progress towards your goals Part 2


Looking after number 1! Are you selfish enough?



(of a person, action, or motive) Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.
egoistic – self-seeking – self-centered – self-centred



The word ‘selfish’ can cause a negative reaction in most people; I am sure we have all grown up with parents telling us to ‘stop being selfish’. The above definition of the word selfish is in the whole negative so why am I asking the question ‘are you selfish enough’? Think about today’s most successful people, for example Richard BransonElon MuskMichael BloombergMaria Shriver and Joel Osteen. A common trait they all share is selfishness, they put their goals and objectives first, they look after their health. They know that you cannot achieve greatness if you are tired, uninspired, angry or wound up.

Read ‘Be more selfish’ –  a great blog post by Darren Hardy from Success magazine, he gives you 5 ways to become more selfish!

Are you selfish enough to succeed?

I’m extraordinarily patient provided I get my own way in the end. – Margaret Thatcher


When we truly care for ourselves, it becomes possible to care far more profoundly about other people. -Eda LeShan


The man who does not value himself, cannot value anything or anyone. -Ayn Rand


Selfish means that you care enough about yourself to get your needs met; selfishness is a choice. Being selfish does not mean you will suddenly become irresponsible, abandon your spouse, children and friends. It simply means you recognize that you have to put yourself first to succeed. You will ‘get’ the notion that “If it’s good for me, it’s probably going to benefit others as well.” Most people try to be generous before being selfish enough to succeed, the problem with this is it’s not sustainable. As you become more successful (by being selfish) you will become more generous as you have the resources to help more people!  Taking care of one’s self enhances everything else we do.

Time is the most important asset we have, successful people know how to manage their time. We can not afford to let ourselves become tired and unmotivated because we are constantly being pulled in different directions by others. Put yourself on your own agenda!!

“In Mandarin Chinese, they have two words for selfish.  One means doing that which is beneficial to you and the other means hoarding, greedy, and cruel.  We, in English have pushed those two words together.”


Using Emotional intelligence to progress towards your goals Part 3

Welcome to part 3 of my blog on using emotional intelligence to progress towards your goals! This final post will include a list of questions to ask yourself to become more emotionally intelligent. I understand for many people reading this that it might be a new concept to understand so first I want to share a study that looked at Emotional Intelligence in education to illustrate just how important it can be!

create the life you want

Emotional Intelligence in Education

“We are educated in school that practice precedes effectiveness, whether in reading, writing, computers, or whatever. We are rarely taught how to practice care, compassion, appreciation or love-essential for family balance.”

  • Our educational systems focus on honing children’s cognitive skills from the moment they enter the classroom.
  • But virtually no emphasis is placed on educating children in the management of the inner conflicts and unbalanced emotions they bring with them every day to school.
  • As new concepts such as “emotional intelligence” become more widely used and understood, more educators are realizing that cognitive ability is not the sole or necessarily the most critical determinant of young people’s aptitude to flourish in today’s society.

Proficiency in emotional management, conflict resolution, communication and interpersonal skills is essential for children to develop inner self-security and become able to effectively deal with the pressures and obstacles that will inevitably arise in their lives. Moreover, increasing evidence is illuminating that emotional balance and cognitive performance are indeed linked. Growing numbers of teachers are agreeing that children come to school with so many problems that it is difficult for them to be good students.

The Impact of an Emotional Self-Management Skills Course on Psychosocial Functioning and Autonomic Recovery to Stress in Middle School Children thru Heart Math

Integrative Physiological and Behavioural Science. 1999; 34 (4): 246-248.

In summary:

  • Students felt more motivated at school
  •  Were more focused in their school work
  • Able to organize and manage their time, both at school and at home.
  • Their leadership and communication skills improved
  •  Harmful behaviour problems decreased
  •  They felt more supported by their families and friends
  •  More comfortable with their teachers and showed increased compassion with their peers.
  • The children also felt more comfortable with themselves, were more assertive and independent in their decision making, more resistant to the demands of peer pressure, and better able to manage their stress, anger and negative internal self-talk.
  • The children showed increased satisfaction and control over their lives while with friends, at school and around their families. 

The positives demonstrated in this study shows the power of Emotional Intelligence and why you should use it to reach you goals! As promised here are a list of questions to ask yourself:


Purpose    –   To add new resources and new references and to make a Radical shift in focus (interrupt pattern)

Definition –   Problem solving Questions shift our focus from a  problem to its possible solutions. They are the way of   Accessing and mobilizing our resources.

In a ‘problem’ situation use the following questions:

1.  What’s great/right about this problem?


2.  What’s not perfect yet?


3.  What am I willing to do to make it the way I want?


4.  What am I not willing to do to make it the way I want?

5.   How can I enjoy the process?


Q. What is making my life a masterpiece?

Q. What’s going to get me there?

Q. What’s the easier/best way I can get this done?

Q. How am I going to Thrive?

Q. What do I need to ‘let go of’ that does not serve me

Q. What do I need to pay attention to?

Q. Are we our ‘drama’… our Story?

Q. What’s important information do I need to know?

Q. How can I be certain when I do not know what to do?

Q. What decision could you make right now to move you closer to your goal?

Q. What are you grateful in your life right now?

Q. What am I committed to in my life right now?

Q. What do you need to focus on right now?

Q. Which emotions do you need to strengthen?

Q. How could you enjoy this even more?

Q. How could you create even more certainty right now?

To finish this 3 part series I wanted to share some tips on how to change your state and improve your mood so you can have a positive frame of mind, everything then is possible so make 2013 your year and achieve them goals!!

20 ways to Change your State

  1.   Make a phone call to a positive, friend or colleague.
  2.   Give yourself a positive treat!
  3.   Start the day with happy thoughts- or a positive affirmation.
  4.   Express your feelings-offload to someone who is pleased to listen and  be supported in a constructive way.
  5.  Make a plan for the day the night before, setting you some goals   /empowering steps for the next day.
  6.  Be assertive- ask for something you want.
  7.  Give yourself permission to be Happy!
  8.  Ask yourself ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen if…’
  9.  Listen to music that you love, read a poem or watch a funny movie!
  10.   Pay someone a ‘from your heart’ compliment and watch their reaction.
  11.   Re-structure your day if it is putting too much pressure on you- we have  to juice ourselves (not feel overwhelm)
  12.   Dress in something that makes you feel good.
  13.   Take extra care with your grooming- to enhance your appearance and sense of well-being.
  14.   Do some vigorous exercise- it’s a great energizer!
  15.    Indecisive? Make a decision..
  16.    If you are worried about something- take steps towards solving it, instead focusing on the problem.
  17.    Remind yourself of your achievements in life, both personal and career.
  18.    Write down a goal in life- even if it’s a dream. List 3 steps to achieving it-Take one step.
  19.    Plan a short trip or holiday.
  20.    Allow some time for yourself- remember you are  a human being – spend   some ‘me ‘time.

For further reading


Please help me in 2013 and answer the following question in the comments below, I will be collecting your answers!
What phrases do you use to make people feel more comfortable, motivated, and appreciated?

Using Emotional intelligence to progress towards your goals Part 2

triad emotions and self talk

Part 2 of Emotional Intelligence, read Part 1 first!

The ability to manage emotions effectively is a key part of emotional intelligence. Regulating emotions, responding appropriately and responding to the emotions of others are all important aspect of emotional management.

Emotional power helps us to:

  • Building Quality in our Relationships
  • ‘Tune in’ internally
  • Understanding ‘missing gaps’
  • Taking Action!

Habits of Emotionally intelligent people

People with High EI:-

  •  Label their feelings, rather than labelling other people or situations
  •  Distinguish between thoughts and feelings
  •  Take responsibility  for their feelings
  •  Use their emotions to make decisions
  •  Show respect for other’s feelings
  •  Feel energised , not angry
  •  Practise getting a positive value from their negative emotions
  •  Don’t advise, command, control, criticise, blame or judge others
  •  Avoid people who invalidate them or don’t respect their feelings


Personal: How people manage themselves through motivation, internal states, intuition and impulse.


  • Power of thought
  • Strong Inner desire of success
  • Energy and Emotional Drive
  • Harmony of Mind, Body, Relationships and Events
  • Values into Actions!
  • Vision into Realities!
  • Obstacles into Innovation!

Be aware of self-talk – Destructive or Positive?

What do my emotions mean?

How do I manage my emotions?

How can I handle situations in the best possible way?

How can I deal with conflict in an emotionally intelligent way?

How can I get what I want and satisfy others?

What motivates people?

GROW YOUR OWN HAPPINESS! Happiness  can be achieved by training the mind, remember happy people live longer and fully embrace life, get the learning in the body now and become emotionally aware!


Social: How people manage relationships through communication.

  • Model the way
  • Inspire a Shared vision
  • Challenge the process
  • Enable others to act
  • Encourage the Heart

“the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions” Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer


  • Inspire
  • Awaken passion and enthusiasm
  • Keep people motivated and committed
  • Compassion
  • Flexibility
  • Honesty

“The communication between your emotional and rational “brains” is the physical source of emotional intelligence. Using strategies to increase your emotional intelligence allows the billions of microscopic neurons lining the road between the rational and emotional centres of your brain to branch off small “arms” (much like a tree) to reach out to the other cells. A single cell can grow 15,000 connections with its neighbours. This chain reaction of growth ensures it’s easier to kick this new behaviour into action in the future. Once you train your brain by repeatedly using new emotional intelligence strategies, emotionally intelligent behaviours become habits.”

Part 3 we will look at the questions you can ask yourself to improve your emotional intelligence.

Please help me in 2013 and answer the following question in the comments below, I will be collecting your answers!
What phrases do you use to make people feel more comfortable, motivated, and appreciated?